03

Dec

Look into my eyes… Look into my eyes…

We’ve all been there.

The conversation may be uncomfortable.

Personal.

Probing.

We’re creatures – and creatures of habit – after all, and once upon a time, we were forced to use more than our mouths to get our messages across.

Our bodies spoke for our minds.

While modern man has the freedom and facilities of speech, there are still many physical hints that are in effect, a nod – pardon the pun – to our primitive past.

One of the most obvious ways to engage – and be engaged – with a fellow human is through the eyes.

One of the most basic, age-old and respectful forms of good manners is to simply look directly into the eyes of the person with whom you’re speaking.

But be careful – your gaze is powerful. With a mere thought, it can convey agreement, disagreement, love, lust, hate or anger.

Staring is never a good thing – for either side of the communication process. Unless, of course, you’re taking a microsleep at your computer.

To ensure you’re not communicating an unintended message, tie a thought to your message or the message you are hearing.

What type of thought you attach to your message is entirely dependent upon your role in conveying the message. You may be reporting breaking world news, or conveying empathy – for example:

“Arnott’s Biscuits today announced their popular Tim-Tam chocolate biscuit range will cease production.”
“Are you saying that there will never be another Tim-Tam produced in the world??”
(Thought: What is life going to be like without Tim-Tams…??!!)

Make your peepers part of the medium of communication and get ready to watch the world blink back.

eyes___stock_by_beMojostock
Photo: Courtesy of beMojostock Photography

12 years ago Short URL Comments

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13

Sep

A Prayer for the Noisy…

The church service had well and truly begun.

The congregation was seated. A sermon on paying more than lip service to the Almighty was underway, when a forceful and repeated sound suddenly became impossible to ignore.

I turned to find at the centre of all the racket an elderly man, sternly looking straight ahead and attempting to snort his apparent congestion away with a relentless and rhythmic vacuum. He also seemed to believe he was hidden behind a special cloak of  invisibility.

The minutes ticked by until suddenly, the snorting was joined by another wave of distracting nasal noise.

Head after head turned to fin, at the source of all the racket, was a middle-aged man in a suit, lost deeply in the act of blowing his nose into a big, floppy handkerchief. He, also, was apparently completely oblivious to all the attention. An elderly woman in the rows behind, shook her head in disbelief.

What probably began as a momentary physical urge had indeed become a  symphony of the sinuses.

Regardless of faith or beliefs, it is good etiquette to show respect in any place of worship – respect, in the very least, for the history and tradition within those walls.

And quite frankly, I can only think of a doctor’s surgery or hospital where someone is actively encouraged to share, publicly, the noises that the human body can make.

The need to share the body’s once-private range of bubbles, burps and blasts with the world seems to be becoming more and more prevalent – particularly in the winter months.

With today’s theme in mind, I’ve compiled a list of things NOT to do – particularly when inside a place of worship:

1. Bodily noises – That means NO snorts, sniffs, burps or belches.

* Chits or Chats – spare a thought for the Pray-ers who visit such places for the serenity

* Exposing midriffs and/or shoulders – This is an oldie but a goodie. Ladies, and some laddies, it’s neither a gym nor a nightclub.

* Taking Photos – Snappers,  respect the privacy of prayer in public. Think about it like this –  how much would you appreciate someone snapping over your shoulder while you’re observing your latest shots??

* Checking into Childcare – More and more mummies and daddies are using places of worship in much the same way as childcare. I’ve seen them pull out packets of crisps and snacks and colouring books and toys and…  And then, there are the precious little darlings who are allowed to run amok throughout a service, watched on eagerly by proud parents. The care of children during a religious service is not the responsibility of the religious leader – they surely have enough to do in today’s times. Providing food and fun activities for children in churches only unfortunately reinforces the message that entertainment is more important than respect for religion and others.

It’s not rocket science. We all need to start showing a respect for respect again in society.

12 years ago Short URL Comments

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07

Apr

The Art of the Introduction

Can you truly say that you are confident in knowing how to introduce yourself, let alone others?

And how does your expertise rate when the scene changes from an informal to formal occasion?

Unfortunately, many people today have lost the once common skill of introducing others – whether in their business circles or beyond, in social circumstances. I have cringed at too many awkward silences hanging clumsily in the air upon someone’s arrival, be it at a party or professional gathering.

Even if they’re lucky enough to be welcomed personally by their host – what should happen next seems to have become lost in a blundering mess of nerves, nature or naivete in today’s society.

For those who have ever found themselves amid the uncomfortable pause that may chase these increasingly endangered words of welcome – whether in social or business circles – I would like to offer the following hopefully helpful points. (And I’ve written these points in ‘point’ form to make it even easier for those with barely enough time on their hands to skim-read.)

•    Greet your guest with a friendly smile and a handshake, while maintaining eye contact.
•    Guests, always enter a room with a smile and eye contact – it puts others at ease.
•    Hosts, thank your guest for coming – upon greeting them. You may not get another opportunity (although ultimately, it is good manners to do so upon their departure also.)
•    Depending on the event, guide your guest into the room and an appropriate group of fellow invitees.
•    Either smile and wait briefly for a break in the conversation or excuse yourself for interrupting any line of conversation, and smoothly introduce your new guest to the group.
•    The trick to an impressive introduction lies in the groundwork – try to introduce your guest to others that they may share something in common with.
•    The actual introduction itself could be as simple as, “Everyone, this is John Smith. He’s a plumber/pop singer/Star Trek fan…not unlike yourselves, Tim and Janine…”
•    Ultimately, your aim is to spark a conversation in the group that will help to welcome the newcomer. Conversation starters may cover the newcomer’s recent projects, travels, hobbies or interests.
•    Similarly, you may wish to turn the tables and introduce your new guest to the prior arrivals – rather than vice versa. “John Smith, this is Tim – who is our chief engineer in Brisbane/Toronto/Singapore/Afghanistan – and his colleague/wife/flatmate/sister/football coach, Janine.”
•    The general rule of thumb is that the order of introduction is determined by prestige and power.

The more important the guest, the more important it is to remember to introduce them with priority and seniority. “Prime Minister/Minister/Mayor/Mr You’re-The-Boss, may I introduce Max and Miranda, our hard-working personal assistants/masseurs/world yo-yo champions….”

Most importantly, if you are needed elsewhere (and being the host, most likely, you will need to be in many places at once) wait for at least a few minutes before politely, and as discreetly as possible, excusing yourself and exiting stage left.

A line along the lines of, “Would you please excuse me – I must check on the sound/catering/door/police officers who appear to have been called by the neighbours…”

The art of the Introduction is neither a difficult language nor is it an exclusive club with a hefty annual membership fee. It simply requires a moment of thought for others in the same way as you yourself would wish to be greeted within new circles.

12 years ago Short URL

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07

Apr

Magic Words…


As children, you may have once been taught by adults that there were such things in the world as ‘Magic Words.’

And they did appear to be magical.

For as soon as you uttered them, your wish was usually granted…and with a smile.

“What’s the Magic Word?” can still occasionally be heard being asked by the conscientious parent, pleading with their child to remember their manners (alongside their maths times tables).

Simple and said in seconds – the words ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are still very potential as forces today in our world as adults.

Be it for the butcher, the baker or the candlestick maker (if they still, indeed, exist), these little words can make such a difference to someone’s day – especially if only in acknowledgement for their time.

Every language across every continent of the world has its own versions, and in every country, you will find its inhabitants will steadfastly appreciate your efforts to remember their ‘magic words’.

Below, you will find some of the various ways to say these Magic Words around the world.

Mind your P’s and Q’s, particularly when travelling, and never, ever stop believing in the Magic Words. You’ll be surprised at their power.

LANGUAGE: PLEASE/THANK YOU
French: S’il vous plaît / Merci
Spanish: Por favor / Gracias
Italian: Per favore / Grazie
Arabic: رجاء (‘menfadak’: m/’menfadlik’: f) / شكرا (‘Shukran’)
Russian: Пожалуйста (‘Pozhalujsta’) / Спасибо (‘Spaseebo’)
Chinese: 请 (‘Chhiengg’) 谢谢 / (‘SzhaySzhay’)
Japanese: お願いします (‘kudasai’) / ありがとう (‘Domo Arigato’)
Dutch: Tevreden / Dank u
Danish: Tak / Mange Tak
German: Bitte / Danke schon
Hungarian: Kerem (‘Kayrem’) Koszonom (‘Kozonom’)
Hindi: Kripayaa/ Dhanyavaad
Swahili: Tafadhali / Asante
Korean: 주세요 (‘Juseyo’) / 감사합니다 (‘Come-sah-hamnida’)

12 years ago Short URL

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07

Apr

ETiquette on Phoning Home…

I was on a train home the other night, quietly listening to Bon Jovi at a respectful level on my iPod, when suddenly a booming male voice with an American accent interrupted and stomped all over the Jon Bon’s.

“Yeah, it’s me…
“Yeah, I’m on the train….
“Yeah, I’ll be there in about five stops… What?? Really?? I don’t know what’s wrong with that kid. He’s really gone off the rails…”

Now, this conversation struck me as rude for two reasons mainly.

First and foremostly, mobile phones may have made our world much easier to get in touch with others – but they’ve also made it a whole lot noisier too.

At least thirty other passengers were privy to this spontaneous call home, when it really only should have been involving two people – the caller and the recipient.

As intriguing as it was to hear that “he” had “really gone off the rails”, I suspect that at the end of the working day – and nearing the middle of a tedious journey in a smelly, stuffy and overcrowded train carriage – none of my fellow passengers could really appreciate the content of this call.

Nor should they want to.

Why should they? Most, if not all, would have their own personal dramas to attend to at the end of their trip.

But for some reason, the caller – who, incidentally, was sitting directly behind me on the jam-packed upper floor – felt a need to share his personal conversation with everyone around him that afternoon.

There must be a moment of contemplation in every mobile phone user’s mind over the potential privacy of their impending call….and whether or not the forthcoming conversation could disrupt those around them.

Perhaps, that moment of contemplation evaporates with the onset of a dial tone.

Perhaps it’s a form of dementia. A yet-to-be-discovered symptom of mobile phone use. Radiation can do funny (and not-so-funny) things.

This particular ‘phone home’ moment also nicked me for another reason.

Call me intolerant, but for the time it took this deeply intellectual conversation to unfold, it might’ve served the caller better to simply send a text message to his loved one to advise of his approach.

“Honey, am on train. I’ll be there in five stops. ROTFL. LOL.”

There. Simple. Sweet. And said in less than five sentences, including additional complementary fluff and nonsense! (For those who are not yet familiar with the burgeoning language of Texts…. Textese…?? Textish….?? Textan?? ROTFL = Roll On The Floor Laughing. LOL = Laugh Out Loud)

Strangely, this whole saga made me think of that loveable alien visitor from the 1980s, ET, and ponder on whether he might’ve handled the situation of, indeed, ‘phoning home’ any differently in 2009.

At the very least, I think his trademark long glowing finger would have made texting a breeze – and, gratefully, a silent one at that.

POINTS to REMEMBER on MOBILE PHONE USE:

* When in the company of others, it’s best to simply send a short TEXT, rather than make or take a call.

*Consider the CONTENT of your impending conversation before making or taking a call. For example, if the rapper 50 Cent was calling and you’re having afternoon tea with Grandma, it’s really not going to be the time or place to be talking about pimps and ho’s. Similarly, if your Grandpa’s ringing and you’re at a death metal convention, he’s really not going to appreciate the soundscape, and neither will your circle of friends as you try desperately to repeat the things you’ve said over the noise.

*Move AWAY from others if you absolutely must make or take an urgent call.

12 years ago Short URL

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07

Apr

When All the Action Isn’t on the Big Screen…

A 7pm screening at a suburban Sydney cinema...


As the opening scenes of the film The Boys Are Back unfold, the main character has just discovered his wife has terminal cancer.

A couple scurries in late through the darkness into the row behind, shuffling into their seats with the sound of multiple plastic bags and a heavy cargo of popcorn and beverages.

Then suddenly, a woman’s voice pierces the plot, asking urgently, ” Do you want a drink? I’ve got a drink. Are you thirsty?? Where do you think THAT is?? I reckon it’s Ulladulla…”

This scenario is unfortunately a common one nowadays.

If Seinfeld had his Low and High Talkers, then this character should have been christened simply The Talker.

The idea of the cinema began circa 1895 with the Lumiere Brothers’ public screening of one of the earliest motion pictures at the Grand Cafe in Paris.

We surely should know by now how to participate in the concept.

But perhaps, after 114 years, humans have tired of the notion of sharing the art of film with others in a public environment.

Maybe, just maybe, people are not-so-secretly desiring to transform their nearest cinema into their own private loungeroom – a plush but somewhat stained loungeroom filled with house guests.

The Talker’s fixation on everything but the film’s sombre storyline was fascinating from this perspective. If, for example, we in the audience had been visitors in her home, she would have proven a most outstanding hostess.

Her running commentary was lively and engaging.

However, we were not her guests. And she was certainly not our hostess.

Her behaviour dragged my thoughts away from the screen’s sad saga and to the sound of social isolation, merely a row behind me.

Have we become so cloistered that we no longer remember how to behave when we are in the company of more than one person??

The Talker spoke at a regular volume and it was as if, as simple as this sounds, the rest of the audience did not exist and she was having a friendly chat on the street.


I wondered if cinemas had become a replacement for the dinner parties of old. I wondered if people are feeling so lonely these days that they are flocking to public places like the cinema in a Quest for Company.

A hunger for human interaction satisfied, all for the price of a movie ticket.

Alternatively viewed, she may have, as simple as it sounds, blinkered herself to the rest of the audience. It seems to me that the more the world’s population increases, the more blinded we are to those around us. 


Whichever the case, the action in the audience should never steal the spotlight from the action on the screen  –  or the stage for that matter.

12 years ago Short URL

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28

Mar

Your Parents Weren’t Makers of Glass…

It was a lovely summer’s day in Sydney’s Chinatown.

There was a gentle breeze blowing through sounds of touristy chatter and giggles. Pigeons were gathering on the pavement, and in a rare moment, the few people buzzing about, mere metres above, didn’t seem too bothered by their presence.

I was enjoying this view of an afternoon moment in the city… until, suddenly, a woman’s head and torso appeared before me.

I stared, somewhat in amazement. Had she simply and suddenly morphed at my table from molecular particles – as per in a science fiction film…??

Was it connected to the rest of a body??

The confusion cleared as I realised this indeed appeared to be a grandmother taking a child out for a stroll in a pram. And the spare seat opposite me…despite the abundant availability of alternative seating…had proved too tempting to ignore.

She hadn’t shifted to the left or right either… It was as if this lady had planned the co-ordinates of her landing – as skilfully and swiftly as any Boeing pilot – to navigate directly into the centre of my point of view.

Almost literally. If she had only asked for my point of view, I pondered, I would have gladly given it.

With her back turned to me and a sour and sulky expression on her face, I decided the only real way I could tell this story for the education of others was through a photograph – which, I confess, I took shamelessly and with some indulgence.

When one wants others to notice them, the best and most polite way is to:

  • face them, first and foremostly
  • and approach them with a smile and greeting

Always, always consider your surrounding environment before you plonk yourself down for a rest…and if in dire need of advancing directly into someone else’s space, smile AND make eye contact.

  • Image

12 years ago Short URL

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02

Mar

Let Us Give Thanks…

A friend recently asked me to tackle this topic on her sister’s behalf  –  the thank-you note.

It would seem that this humble petite gesture of the past is fast becoming as endangered as the Siberian tiger.

In days of old, the thank-you note could be seen winging its way to many a household across many a socio-economic class after many a scenario – from trimming old Mrs McGarrity’s hedges to having the neighbours over for a baked dinner.

Nowadays, it’s a wonder if anyone knows what the dear little thing once looked like.

So let’s start with that, shall we?

The thank-you note was first and foremostly a tangible object. Not one megapixel to be found. It was handwritten … on something similar to what we put in our printers of today – notepaper. However, the quality of the notepaper also was significant in representing the level of respect held for the recipient.

Without question, one would use one’s best notepaper for the most gracious of thank-you notes.

Next, the thank-you note would begin with the word ‘Dear’, because well, the recipient was usually someone we held dear – or at least hoped to hold dear sentiment towards. Whether the writer was on a first-name basis or using a titular reference in person with the recipient would determine, of course, what followed the ‘Dear’.

Simplicity was always the beauty of the affair and the thank-you note was – in all of its omnipresence – a creature comprised of a carefully assigned mix of words and sentiment. Oh, and of the most reverent importance was the inclusion of the actual deed that was worthy of platitude – you know, in case the recipient was confused as to what he or she was being thanked for.

The writer could then choose to use the ubiquitous ‘Sincerely’ in signing-off or perhaps the slightly more casual ‘With warmest wishes’ or ‘Your _____(friend, neighbour, confidante, mistress, gigolo…)”

And there you have it. The Thank-You Note. Embellish or personalise at your whim.

I’d like to see the return of the TYN. I’m sure a lot of people would agree – if they only knew what one was and how easy it would be to save and sustain for future generations.

Modern times could certainly see a much more secure and streamlined future for the Thank-You Note – one that ensured its survival through the immediacy of email and the Internet.

To suggest however alternative forms of ‘sending’ the written word – such as text messaging, Facebooking or even Tweeting thanks – is a personal choice in a world of decision-making and freedom of choice – one that would ultimately require a whole new cyber-universe for debate.

Thanks for reading!!

12 years ago Short URL

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02

Mar

Service With a Snarl: The importance of being eye-nest…

How often has this happened to you?
Picture this – you’ve entered a shop and, it soon becomes evident, a lively conversation between its staff.
They stop only to stare at you, before continuing on with their monotonous littany including the inevitable Oh-My-Gods, He-Didn’t!s, and of course, the And-Then-She-Saids.

This morning’s incident occurred in what some Australians affectionately know as ‘fair dinkum bargain stores’. Others sometimes refer to them as ‘dollar shops’ as the humble dollar can yield much inside their doors.

The staffer in question, to my gratitude,  bucked all stereotypes by being male, loudly bitching about an incident with colleagues to clearly more than those few co-workers in his immediate presence. It was quite a sight to behold.

Bundles of minutes passed. Soon it was a good quarter of an hour and this aisle-bound confessional was by now much more than momentary gossip –  it was annoying!! But before I could move, a woman with a pram approached the staffer in question – with a question. His barrage stopped abruptly.

“Sorry to interrupt you, but excuse me, could I ask you a question?” she quizzed.

I was hoping – no, expecting the next line to be assertive with a twist of sarcasm. However, what followed was merely a fluffy, practically apologetic query about the location of makeup cotton pads on sale.

Our salesman answered hurriedly – with the merest of a glance to his customer – only to turn back to his colleagues and continue with his epic tale. Meanwhile his pram-pushing customer presumably continued on her search for makeup pads.

Once upon a time, we humans were taught that the two greatest things to possess when entering a room were eye contact and a smile.

I still try to carry these little words with me wherever I go –  whether it’s the local supermarket or the most formal of functions.

Whether or not you are the customer or staff, it’s important that we don’t lose these most personal of forms of communications in the world.

Eye contact lets the recipient know that you see and hear them.

Couple it together with a smile and you’ve got access to one of the most powerful duets in history.

In this ever-growing world of ours, it can only help to let people know that they still exist.

12 years ago Short URL

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02

Mar

It’s Just a Jump to the Left: Etiquette for Escalators and Straight Lines

What’s grey, regularly crowded and is capable of putting momentary fear into the eyes of all kids – big and small?

The humble escalator can be construed as a metaphor for the road of life.

You want to get to the next level? Life’s tough. There’s no time for fear.
You step on. Ah, but where to stand?

Or do you, as a great Aussie band once churned, just keep walking?

In Australia, the ‘keep left, unless overtaking’ rule is one that is generally accepted but unfortunately
blissfully ignored on the road, on escalators, and pretty much wherever there is a straight line stretching out ahead.

Depending on where you’ve come from in the world, this may come as naturally as eating or sleeping – or it could feel as unnatural as riding a bicycle backwards.
The trick is to keep calm and remain courteous at all times with those who may come to our land from other countries and cultures where queues are a cue to move right.

The question of demographic division further complicates the issue.

Francis of Pyrmont recently wrote to me of an incident in which he suddenly found himself in a social stand-off almost worthy of the days of the wild, wild West.

“It was a narrow laneway – blocked even further by a construction site and these two ladies were walking towards me, side by side, with two big prams. I stopped. They stopped. They stared. And then, suddenly, one said to me, ‘I think the phrase you’re looking for is ‘Excuse me…’ Fair enough if I was on the right side of the path or trying to push my way past – but I was on the left!”

I’ve heard of serious scuttles caused by smaller confrontations. In this situation, as with bicycles on busy roadways, it must be said that it is quite inconsiderate to opt for the steamroller strategy – especially with all the confidence that comes with travelling in numbers.

Travelling two-or-more-abreast in any form is an option that can never be simply taken for granted in an everexpanding city such as Sydney.

Look left, look right but most importantly, look ahead and make a conscious, community-driven decision on where you stand – not only on escalators and footpaths – but also in life.

12 years ago Short URL

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