Good grief. There surely is no such thing. But I have been reminded through recent experience of how difficult it is for some to express their sympathy.

Growing up, I bore witness to many funerals – most of which were for close family members. In contrast, I have met a few people in life who have yet to attend their first funeral and are well into their adult years.

A few weeks ago, my partner’s father passed away. One wintery day, he suffered a critical emergency known as a triple aortic-abdomenal aneurysm, from which few survive. Yet, he did – only to have a heart attack on the surgeon’s table – from which he also fought back. We had immediately booked a flight to be by his side and over the next week, we saw him in the hospital, morning, afternoon and night. As the days passed, we convinced ourselves that he was stabilising in what would be a slow recovery.  To add to the confusion,  nursing staff and doctors were very clearly pressuring us to make a decision about a nursing home. Like a doctor distracting a young patient from a needle, this highly uncomfortable notion ultimately ended up proving a distraction from the possibility of an imminent goodbye. We returned home to job commitments and received the solemn phone call in the early morning darkness almost a week to the day later.

Only a very few of our friends who had been aware of what was going on were able to put their thoughts into words that were texted over the weeks that followed. Some chose the ‘let’s-talk-about-the-weather’ option. Most opted for silence.

When celebrities die, there is undoubtedly what is often referred to as an “outpouring” of grief. After Princess Diana’s death in 2007, millions expressed their sadness in a way unprecedented in history. Images will forever linger of a flowing carpet of flower bouquets outside the gates to Buckingham Palace and a virtual sea of lit candles around the world.

Few knew the Princess of Wales personally. Yet many reached out, to each other, in their united grief.

It seems that we have lost our ability to understand the meaning of the word ‘condolence’ for the individual at such times in life.

It seems that it is easier to feel sorry for the loss of a stranger or Celebrity than those in our own individual circles.

So, here are a few tips for expressing condolence in times of grief, among family, friends or workplaces.

* Sympathy Cards. These are widely available in newsagencies, department and specialty stores – even supermarkets. If you’re not sure of which one, choose one with a simple floral image on the front. Once you open it, you don’t need to channel Shakespeare – merely keep it simple: “Sorry for your loss”; “With Deepest Sympathy”, “Sending my/our condolences”… and sign your name.

* Paying Your Respects. If you would like to attend the funeral or memorial service, ask whoever has informed you for the details and arrive on time. After the service, greet the bereaved with either a handshake with eye contact or hug, depending on familiarity. This is also a good point to say “I’m very sorry for your loss” or a similar phrase to express the same sentiment.

*Flowers. Choosing the right flower doesn’t need to be complicated. Larger flowers are preferable for arrangements to be displayed during the service, while smaller flowers offer more convenience for bouquets brought to the home or graveside. Colours traditionally have a meaning attached – with red, white and blue being preferred in days of old for services. Today, mourners are simply encouraged to choose a colour and style of floral arrangement that appeals the most.

White is universally recognised as the colour of funereal flower, representing elegance, innocence and modesty. Pastel colours like pink and blue in flowers convey a sense of calm in life. Purple traditionally has represented royalty and ritual, acknowledging accomplishment. While red is renowned for romance, this colour is also a way to send a message of strength and courage to the bereaved. The colour yellow can provide a bright splash of colour in any floral tribute, speaking volumes as a celebration of life. Similarly, green can be used to tone down any bright colours, offering a visual link to our vicinity to nature and as a symbol of resilience and new life.

*Making Time to Talk. It is a generous and priceless friend who can spare an hour amid modern-day routines to simply pick up the phone or go for a coffee. And if you’re worried about what to say, don’t – your role will be to predominantly listen. Start with something short and sweet like, “How are you feeling today?”